Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
