you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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