Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
