I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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