she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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