I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i've created a new STD.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
