people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
