he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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