I want you more than these girls want KFC
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You took a bar mat shot.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
