Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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