Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
