How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
