I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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