I just cut my nipple shaving
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
