I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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