You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
