i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
