Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she told me i tasted like america
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
