I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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