i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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