yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mom said you looked used
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
