I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
