That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
