I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
