Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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