So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
