We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
