Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
