At least make sure they are 18
Why
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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