a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
