Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
