Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
