have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize