I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
