I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
