i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
