Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just pee around me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You ruined the universe
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
