I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
