Who wears a wallet chain?!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't deserve a penis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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