Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
