I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
