I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
