just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
