we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
