Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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