i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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