so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
