Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
