I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
