We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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