dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
