he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
