Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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