Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
