Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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