ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
