I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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