I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
