why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
