My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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