If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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