You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
