Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
