I puked a lego.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
