party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
