never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All the doctor said was why
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
