Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
