Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
