separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
