it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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