this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They took my balls.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
