She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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