I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
