He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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