"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its liver damage thursday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
