i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Green mimosas i think yes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
