I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
