I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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