But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
