I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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