I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
