just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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