Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
