i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
