Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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