So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
