I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
