somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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