My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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