ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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