I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
