i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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