I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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