Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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