I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
