I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy sore nipples Batman
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize